Rio de Janeiro is home to the world’s second largest Jesus statue. [Many mistakenly believe that it is the biggest, but that honor lies in Cochabamba, Bolivia. Click here to read about it]. He stands tall overlooking the bay. [He has a better view than the Bolivian one]
He rises above Rio, inspiringly high amongst the clouds, his arms stretched in both a humble and humbling stance – to those of faith – the redeemer of all: of all the notorious crime and sin in Rio’s slums and ghettos – ‘the favellas’, of all of the working girls that fill the Copacabana night; of the ultra rich ruling class dining in their mansions whilst many of their neighbours starve. When not shrouded with clouds, he is visible from almost everywhere in Rio, looking down from heaven, perhaps a beacon of hope for all in this stunning city – from the elite to the not so fortunate.
My volunteer work here in Rio is decidedly different from it was in Ecuador, Peru, or Bolivia. First off, I am nowhere near fluent in Brazilian portuguese. The smattering of Portuguese that I do know is the Portugal variety–not too useful here. So I stand on the street corner [oh, the irony] with my bowl of condoms with my sign saying ‘Perservativos”. Ironically, it’s the same word in Spanish, but sounds nothing like Spanish. My partner does all the talking and educating while I just stand there [looking attractive?]. Occasionally I do get to hand out free condoms to the English and Australians that come by to see what free thing is being given away.
I even feel that my Brazilian partner thinks that this is a waste of time. STDs are so prevalent here that ‘everyone’ has or has had at least one at some point in their life. And there’s so much more to do and see here. Volunteering is *only* 2 hours/day 3 days a week– so different from any other experience I have had. But it is Brazil…and when in Brazil, do as the Brazilian do. Eat , drink, run around half-naked, and be merry.
I have put together a list of what not to do in Rio unless you want to be throughly humiliated. I learn from experience…not necessarily my experiences though
Brazilian culture is Yes – as I’ve said – unique. An envy of a lot of the world in many respects. But, given this culture, and the characteristics that it is honed, you can easily find yourself a little embarrassed, humiliated even in so many ways. From my observations and experiences during the last few days, I’ve formulated a few rules I like to call “Unless you want to be humiliated in Brazil, don’t…”. Here are the Top 5:

5. Unless you want to be humiliated in Brazil, don’t drink too many caipirinhas. As I’ve said – they’re like death. Of the devil. Trust me…
4. Unless you want to be humiliated in Brazil, don’t go strutting around the beach with no shirt on if you are a fat dude wearing Speedos. For the sake of both yourself and the mental well-being of those around you. You don’t quite compare to the beautiful people around… Just don’t – ok?. Luckily for you, I won’t post any photos of those who violate this “rule”.
3. Unless you want to be humiliated in Brazil, don’t try to speak Portuguese. Are you fluent? No? Then don’t. As much as I like to speak the vernacular, Portuguese is a crazy language, with crazy intonations and pronunciations and just leads to humiliation. Since when was it so difficult to say ‘hamburger’ or ‘pizza’?

2. Unless you want to be humiliated in Brazil, don’t go anywhere near a soccer ball. Consider it a death trap. I don’t care if you are Messi (well, maybe HE could get away with taking on the beach crowd at Impanena). The old, fat dude on the beach will still make you look a fool. My tip: If a ball comes near you – run. Run away…
1. And my #1 rule for “Unless you want to be humiliated in Brazil” is don’t get into a situation where the police want to search you. They seem to like to search people. Sometimes for no apparent reason. Not fun. In fact, down right humiliating… And if there’s one thing that can be said for Rio cops – they’re thorough…